It’s not always sunshine

Apologies in advance if this post is a little emo.

But though my blog is about being optimistic in the face of MS, I don’t want to fall into the toxic positivity trap.

As I wrote about in my first-ever blog for WebMD, optimism is not maintaining a positive outlook no matter what, while ignoring or dismissing the difficult, painful parts of life. Hiding your negative emotions, putting on a happy facade, or feeling shame about feeling sad are examples of toxic positivity. 

I don’t want to be toxically positive, and so even though I’m trying, it’s not possible to be optimistic all the time when you live with MS. The truth is, it’s not always sunshine.

Sometimes, my brain is foggy which makes simple tasks annoying. My legs tingle uncomfortably. My left foot doesn’t cooperate. Walking gets hard. I get tired.

Sometimes, I’m angry, frustrated, and annoyed at my body and my brain. Sometimes, I scream into a pillow (side note: I highly recommend this activity).

It’s not always sunshine. And that’s ok. There’s no “but” in this post. I’m committed to feeling my feelings, no matter what they are or how they show up. I’m not into being inauthentic for…who? Me? Someone else? It takes too much energy to pretend it’s a good day when it’s not.

So I say to my fellow MSers (and honestly, to myself, too) – it’s ok to have a bad day. It’s ok to feel like shit and be mad. It’s not always sunshine…and that’s ok.