Mobility Aids
Walking with a mobility aid is a strange thing to accept. I couldn’t have imagined a year ago that I would own a cane, let alone use it. Because my multiple sclerosis symptoms are unpredictable, I don’t use it all the time – although, my Physical Therapist wants me to try using it regularly for a bit to help with the fatigue I experience when walking sometimes.
When I’m using my cane, a lot of emotions run through me: sadness and grief, for the “before times” when I didn’t need a mobility aid and didn’t need to worry – or even think about – walking. Anger, at being 35 and needing to use a cane. Embarrassment, at people looking at me when I walk past them. When people stare, or even glance my way, I feel vulnerable and fragile. I can almost feel their eyes sweeping over my uncoordinated body, sympathizing for me and thinking, wow that sucks for her! Wondering: what’s wrong with her?
Occasionally, though, I feel defiant. I DARE you to look at me. It won’t change the facts of my situation. There is no point in trying to imagine what someone thinks about me in those moments. I have to remind myself that what other people think is none of my business. In the same way that they don’t understand my story, I don’t know theirs.
For others who need to use a mobility aid, I say this: I understand how frustrating it can be to feel like you’ve lost some of your freedom, and how annoying it is to not have control over your own body. But we’ve got this – let’s use these tools to help us, and focus on what they can do for us.
To the others out there, who don’t live with a disability, I ask you: please try not to stare. Try not to judge. Everyone is different. And if you really are curious, it’s ok to ask.
