Reflections on Loosing My Voice

Today is the first day in about three weeks that I’m finally feeling more like myself – I’ve been sick.

What started as (I think) allergies turned into a full-blown lower respiratory infection. I can’t say I’m surprised, because I’ve been waiting for something like this to happen. Not because it’s something I’ve been pining over, but because I knew it was bound to happen eventually.

I take a disease modifying therapy (DMT) to treat my MS. According to Health Central, “All preventative (disease-modifying) MS medications work by suppressing or modifying the immune system to prevent this immune attack on the myelin in the central nervous system.” Because of this, people with MS who take DMTs can often have an increased risk of getting infections – and are more susceptible to infections like UTIs and respiratory infections (MS News Today).

It’s for this reason that I try so hard not to get sick. I wear masks in airports or on the plane sometimes, especially in the winter when more of my fellow passengers are sniffling and coughing. In crowded spaces, I might pop on a mask, too. Hand sanitizer is always in my purse. Little kids always seem to be germ-factories, so I try to keep my distance in stores or restaurants if I can. I am not a germaphobe, I just don’t want to get sick. Even if I get a cold, it tends to linger a lot longer than it ever did before I had MS.

This bout was particularly annoying. It started with me waking up one day with a scratchy throat and raspy voice, then I rode the wave of congestion, coughing, fatigue, back to no voice, more coughing, no sleeping…some antibiotics, lots of hot water with honey and lemon, and naps later, I’m finally feeling better.

The oddest part of this illness was having no voice, I mean NO VOICE, for about four days. I would try to talk and nothing would come out, or I’d have to resort to a whisper. Last weekend, I had to keep jotting down little notes to my husband on a piece of paper or on my phone if I had to ask him something. At the doctor’s appointment, I wrote down all my symptoms, and he read them out for me (we laughed that he was my “spokesperson” at the appointment).

I felt good enough to work, but trying to participate in Zoom calls when you can’t talk is certainly…something (a lot of very fast typing in the Zoom chat with delayed comments on the conversation).

But not talking also gave me some time to reflect – maybe I don’t need to say something to fill the silence, or maybe I don’t have to share that thought, and instead, I can just listen. It also forced me to ask a question or make a statement with fewer words, since I had to write or type them out. Good practice as a writer to cut down on superfluous language and embrace brevity!

So with that, I’ll end the post!